1.The science teacher lecturing his class in biology said, "Now I'll show you this frog in my pocket." He then reached into his pocket and pulled out a chicken sandwich. He looked puzzled for a second, thought deeply, and said,
"That's funny. I distinctly remember eating my lunch."
2.During the heat of the space race in the 1960s, the U.S. National Aeronautics and Space Administration decided it needed a ball point pen to write in the zero gravity confines of its space capsules. After considerable research and development, the Astronaut Pen was developed at a cost of approximately $1million U.S.
The pen worked and also enjoyed some modest success as a novelty item back here on earth.
The Soviet Union, faced with the same problem, used a pencil.
3.Mr.and Mrs.Taylor had a seven year old boy named Pat.Now Mrs.Taylor was expecting another child.
Pat had seen babies in other people's houses and had not liked them very much，so he was not delighted about the news that there was soon going to be one in his house too.
One evening Mr.and Mrs.Taylor were making plans for the baby's arrival.“This house won't be big enough for us all when the baby comes，”said Mr.Taylor.
Pat came into the room just then and said，“What are you talking about?”“We were saying that we'll have to move to an other house now，because the new baby's coming，”his mother answered.
“ It's no use，”said Pat hopelessly.“ He'll follow us there.”
4.An old man lived alone in Northern Ireland. His only son was in
prison. The old man wanted to plant some potatoes in his garden but he didn't know anyone who would help him plow up the garden.
He wrote to his son about it, and received this reply, "For HEAVENS SAKE, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the GUNS!"
At 4 AM the next morning, a dozen British soldiers showed up and dug up the entire garden, but didn't find any guns.
Confused, the man wrote to his son telling him what happened and asking him what to do next.
His son's reply was: "Just plant your potatoes."
5.One day a little girl came home from school, and said to her mother, "Mommy, today in school I was punished for something that I didn't do."
The mother exclaimed, "But that's terrible! I'm going to have a talk with your teacher about this! By the way, what was it that you didn't do?"
The little girl replied, "My homework."
6.While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den(私室，贼窝) . What is the big brass gong(锣) and hammer for? one of his friends asked. That is the talking clock, the man replied. How's it work?
Watch, the man said and proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer. Suddenly, someone screamed from the other side of the wall, Knock it off, you idiot! It's two o'clock in the morning!
7.On her return from school，little Dolly，aged ten，was pulled on to her Daddy's knee，and informed that the fairies had that day brought a big surprise a little baby brother.She see med glad，and presently said：
“Will you give me a stamp，daddy?I want to write and tell brother Tom.”
The father was touched by this，and provided the little lass with the materials to write a letter to her brother，who was away at school.Later，curious to know how she would tell the news，he took an opportunity to read what she had writen.He received something of a shock on reading the following：
“Dear Tom， It's come off today.You've lost;it's a boy.”
8.One evening，in the midst of dinner preparation，our 10 yearold daughter asked，“Mom my， what's puberty?”My wife was rushed at the moment，so she suggested that Peggy look up the word in the dictionary，after which they could talk about it.
A few minutes later，Peggy returned.Her mother asked what the dictionary had said.“Puberty means，”announced Peggy，“the earliest age at which a girl is able to bear children.”
“What do you think of that?” my wife asked.
“I'm not sure，” Peggy replied.“I've always been able to bear children.It's adults I can't bear.”
9.There was a small boy who had been given a little terrier for his very own，on which he bestowed the name of Paddy，and loved mightily.He was very saddened by the fact that he could not take his pet away with him on his holidays，which he was spending with some relatives in the country.
Whilst he was away Paddy's young life was cut short by an unfortunate adventure with a motor.The boy's mother feared he would take the news very hardly on his return;she broke it very gently，therefore，and was rather surprised that the little lad did not seem much perturbed.Later，however，she heard him weeping lustily in his bed.He was inarticulate with grief，but his brother explained that he was crying“about Paddy”.
“But，” said the mother，“I told him about it this morning，and he did not seem to mind!”
The brother explained，“yes，but he thought you said Daddy.”
10.It was a cold，raw day at Washington.Champ Clark was discussing the gamins of the cities with an English visitor.The latter expatiated on the wit of the London type of the genius.Clark declared that if the Englishman were to ask any Washington street urchin any question，the urchin would make anaptreply.They sallied forth.
“What time is it，Bub?They tell me you can tell time by your nose，”said the visitor to the first newsboy they met.
“Ask your own，mister，mine ain't run nin’，”was the reply.